Babes, Elephants, and Beavers
So, I had this dream the other day: I was driving down Lombard St. in San Francisco, the curviest road in America, and then at the bottom of the street my car turned into this big hot tub and then I was cruising Colfax Ave. in Colorado, the longest street in America. The hot tub, the one I was driving, still had a steering wheel and these gold baby daytons. I was crusing around, but it wasn’t enough to have a hot tub on wheels; I needed some passengers. So, I stopped at the liquor store, it was only stocked with sour mash whiskey and dark ale beer, and there were these three women that said they were looking for a hot tub on wheels.
With two bottles of sour mash in one hand and a case of ale in the other, I nodded to point out my metamorphasized ride to the dolls. They, as if like a genie or that witch from those shows in the 60’s the dolls wiggled their nose’s and bopped their heads, and heaven: their bikinis were on. We got in the tub, all suds and warmth, and they started mixin’ drinks. We were playing life, or our dream or whatever, out to a soundtrack of lil’Wyane and the Rolling Stones. The beers were floating in the tub and still cold. All the lights were green as we passed the chili hatch stands, street walkers, Mc Donald’s fast-food, 70’s diners and bums. It’s a funny thing about the bums though; they were well dressed and fed. They had pressed tuxes and a butler with a cart of food following them around, but I could tell they were bums because they still smelled like bums.
Then all of a sudden the girls and I were at Chubbies, this Mexican food restaurant, and we didn’t even have to order. The food was already on our table, on paper plates and in styrofoam bowls. A spread of smothered burritos, Mexican hamburgers and chimichangas all there to eat, and eat we did. The best part was, I ate like six burritos and three Mexican hamburgers, and honestly, like fourteen chimichangas, and get this, I never got full or sick. So, with Mc Jaggier singing “Sweet Virginia” in the back ground we hopped into the tub.
Before we could even pull out of the parking spot, bam we were at a Munich soccer game, at the 20th minute. Then their left wing got hurt and they needed me to fill in, and though I had like 12 whiskeys and 5 beers I was playing like Pele on speed with a side of flying sauce. I was doing bicycle kicks to balls ten feet over head and drilling them in the top corners of the goal. The best part was when I made a corner kick directly in goal, bending it like a Beckham banana.
After the goal things got weird. The crowd was going wild and the cops had to come to settle them down but the cops weren’t normal cops they were beavers. Little river beavers in full police uniform. These little beaver police started chewing on people’s legs, and stuff, to get the crowd to settle down. It didn’t work and then the beavers started to come after me. I jumped out of the stadium, over the stands, and I jumped into one of the hut shaped beaver cop cars. I didn’t know what to do. I new I needed some money. So, I went to a bank and asked her for all of my money and she said I didn’t have any money. So, I asked her for some of her money and she said only if I write her a doctor’s note to get her out of work today, and a little confused I agreed, and she started coughing and gave me twenty bucks. But the twenty dollars was worth like twenty thousand for some reason.
I got the money so I left, but by the time I got out of the bank the beaver brigade was already there, and their hut cars were blocking my escape route. So, I decided to climb a tree and of course the beaver police chewed it down. When I hit the ground I saw an escape hatch in the ground in the middle of the lawn in front of the bank, like a manhole. So, I lifted the lid and went down, and it was an under ground forest, thick with trees. I forgot to cover the hatch. So, the beavers followed me down, and I was ripping out trees while I was running. Then I would throw them, the trees, to block the beavers, but as if they were nothing the beavers exploded through the log piles and were gaining ground.
I came to a clearing and there was a farm and giant cactus plants with spines and leafs, and those plants were so big they were scraping the clouds. So, I picked one and ran up as quick as I could, but once I reached the top a cloud picked me up. I was floating. Floating in the sky and just in time; the cactus fell - the beavers. But I didn’t have to worry about them any more. I was cloud cursing now.
I was all floating and then I saw my little sister at a yellow light, but the yellow light was at the top of one of the cactus that were scraping the sky. She was looking at this elephant with a heart shaped tattoo on it’s bum and kept on saying “Really? Really?” I had no idea what she was talking about then the I woke to the sound of a groan in my bed and a big rump with a heart shaped tattoo, the word “Rico’s” under it, pushing it’s way towards me. I shook my head to try and clear the ache from it but couldn’t. Tripping over bag full of Mexican food wrappers, and a wet over-sized swim suit, I got up. In the bathroom I got some water, and looked in the mirror. An elephant? I asked myself. And in a panic I rushed into the bedroom, luckily - no trunk.
Lion
So, I had this dream the other day: I was driving down Lombard St. in San Francisco, the curviest road in America, and then at the bottom of the street my car turned into this big hot tub and then I was cruising Colfax Ave. in Colorado, the longest street in America. The hot tub, the one I was driving, still had a steering wheel and these gold baby daytons. I was crusing around, but it wasn’t enough to have a hot tub on wheels; I needed some passengers. So, I stopped at the liquor store, it was only stocked with sour mash whiskey and dark ale beer, and there were these three women that said they were looking for a hot tub on wheels.
With two bottles of sour mash in one hand and a case of ale in the other, I nodded to point out my metamorphasized ride to the dolls. They, as if like a genie or that witch from those shows in the 60’s the dolls wiggled their nose’s and bopped their heads, and heaven: their bikinis were on. We got in the tub, all suds and warmth, and they started mixin’ drinks. We were playing life, or our dream or whatever, out to a soundtrack of lil’Wyane and the Rolling Stones. The beers were floating in the tub and still cold. All the lights were green as we passed the chili hatch stands, street walkers, Mc Donald’s fast-food, 70’s diners and bums. It’s a funny thing about the bums though; they were well dressed and fed. They had pressed tuxes and a butler with a cart of food following them around, but I could tell they were bums because they still smelled like bums.
Then all of a sudden the girls and I were at Chubbies, this Mexican food restaurant, and we didn’t even have to order. The food was already on our table, on paper plates and in styrofoam bowls. A spread of smothered burritos, Mexican hamburgers and chimichangas all there to eat, and eat we did. The best part was, I ate like six burritos and three Mexican hamburgers, and honestly, like fourteen chimichangas, and get this, I never got full or sick. So, with Mc Jaggier singing “Sweet Virginia” in the back ground we hopped into the tub.
Before we could even pull out of the parking spot, bam we were at a Munich soccer game, at the 20th minute. Then their left wing got hurt and they needed me to fill in, and though I had like 12 whiskeys and 5 beers I was playing like Pele on speed with a side of flying sauce. I was doing bicycle kicks to balls ten feet over head and drilling them in the top corners of the goal. The best part was when I made a corner kick directly in goal, bending it like a Beckham banana.
After the goal things got weird. The crowd was going wild and the cops had to come to settle them down but the cops weren’t normal cops they were beavers. Little river beavers in full police uniform. These little beaver police started chewing on people’s legs, and stuff, to get the crowd to settle down. It didn’t work and then the beavers started to come after me. I jumped out of the stadium, over the stands, and I jumped into one of the hut shaped beaver cop cars. I didn’t know what to do. I new I needed some money. So, I went to a bank and asked her for all of my money and she said I didn’t have any money. So, I asked her for some of her money and she said only if I write her a doctor’s note to get her out of work today, and a little confused I agreed, and she started coughing and gave me twenty bucks. But the twenty dollars was worth like twenty thousand for some reason.
I got the money so I left, but by the time I got out of the bank the beaver brigade was already there, and their hut cars were blocking my escape route. So, I decided to climb a tree and of course the beaver police chewed it down. When I hit the ground I saw an escape hatch in the ground in the middle of the lawn in front of the bank, like a manhole. So, I lifted the lid and went down, and it was an under ground forest, thick with trees. I forgot to cover the hatch. So, the beavers followed me down, and I was ripping out trees while I was running. Then I would throw them, the trees, to block the beavers, but as if they were nothing the beavers exploded through the log piles and were gaining ground.
I came to a clearing and there was a farm and giant cactus plants with spines and leafs, and those plants were so big they were scraping the clouds. So, I picked one and ran up as quick as I could, but once I reached the top a cloud picked me up. I was floating. Floating in the sky and just in time; the cactus fell - the beavers. But I didn’t have to worry about them any more. I was cloud cursing now.
I was all floating and then I saw my little sister at a yellow light, but the yellow light was at the top of one of the cactus that were scraping the sky. She was looking at this elephant with a heart shaped tattoo on it’s bum and kept on saying “Really? Really?” I had no idea what she was talking about then the I woke to the sound of a groan in my bed and a big rump with a heart shaped tattoo, the word “Rico’s” under it, pushing it’s way towards me. I shook my head to try and clear the ache from it but couldn’t. Tripping over bag full of Mexican food wrappers, and a wet over-sized swim suit, I got up. In the bathroom I got some water, and looked in the mirror. An elephant? I asked myself. And in a panic I rushed into the bedroom, luckily - no trunk.
Lion
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